I have to be strong for you
by beccaboswell
Summary: The first finished proper fic I've written, so apologies. But yeah it's kind of a remake of the scene in Angels Take Manhattan where River and the Doctor are talking after Amy and Rory are taken, with a bit more emotion and dialogue, and he already has the afterword. But yeah, I don't know if its too short or something but I can always improve it. Feedback/criticism is welcome! :-)


River stared longingly at The Doctor. She sighed.  
'Doctor?'  
He looked up from the sheet of paper abruptly. The heartache showed heavily in his eyes as he focused on River. She could see how torn up he was. The Doctor, forcing a smile, walked over to her. 'Yes?'  
She took a step towards him.  
'This isn't your fault.' She told him. 'It never has been.'  
The Doctor looked at the TARDIS floor trying to hide his face in shame with his hair. River gently pulled his chin up and looked him directly in the eye.  
'You blame yourself for everything that happens. Everything that has gone wrong, everyone that you've lost, but it is not your fault!' She said, almost snapping at him.  
He looked startled, shocked even. He gripped the last page tight and shook his head. She gave him a look of despair.  
'How...' The Doctor stirred. 'How is it not my fault, River.' The anger in his voice increased slightly. 'I tempt them with promises of planets and stars and time travel, and all the wonderful things that will change their lives forever and the only thing I really promise them is a sure fate of death!' His voice got louder and louder as River stepped further away from him in fright. The Doctor noticed how much he was scaring River and took a deep breath. He stared blankly at the page as if there was nothing written on it. 'Tell me how it isn't my fault when I lead everyone I have ever loved to their end.' He said. River could hear the heartbreaking tone in his voice. He retreated slowly up the stairs.  
River gently placed her hand on his as he clung onto the banister.  
'There are fixed points in time, Doctor. There are fixed points throughout time where things must stay exactly the way they are.' River said, almost smiling. The Doctor, after realising that she used his exact words, turned his head and leant over the banister.  
'Yes, Doctor, you may have brought them to their death, but there was no way of preventing it. At all.' She grabbed his hand as if she was never going to let go. 'I know how much they meant to you. To both of us. I could tell every time Amy said that she wanted to go home that your hearts broke, even if it was only for a little while. I know because mine did too. They were the only two biological family members I had, and I know they were like a family to you too. We all were. One big family. And now they're gone, but do you know what Doctor? I don't blame you one bit.'  
The Doctor's eyes glazed over, and he was desperately holding back the tears. His eyes met with River's. He was surprised to see that she was smiling. He didn't understand how she could say such meaningful and passionate words, and not show any emotion.  
'Think of it this way. Everyone you have lost, died doing what they loved most in life. Travelling through time and space with you.'  
A tear rolled down his cheek, which he was quick to wipe away.  
'How do you do it?' The Doctor asked, looking deep into River's eyes. He was so perplexed that he felt almost obliged to scan her with his sonic. 'How do you hide your emotion? You seem so... unaffected by this all, but I can tell by what you're said, you're almost as heartbroken as I am.'  
River smirked at him. 'I've had years of practice attempting to hold back my feelings. I've become so exempt to it all. I was raised to be strong. And that's how I will remain. But mostly, Doctor, I have to be strong for you.'  
The Doctor looked puzzled. 'How so?' He inquired, slowly making his way back down to the control room of the TARDIS.  
River's smile faded slightly. Not enough for The Doctor to notice, but still not as cheeky. 'I feel obliged to be strong for you, Doctor. Like a mother does for her family. The way you were strong for Amy the many times she lost Rory because I know that hurt you too. And now, you feel like you have no one left to be strong for. So I have to be strong for the both of us.'  
The Doctor, still looking puzzled, walked back over to River. He knew exactly what she meant and from that sentence, and exactly how she felt. He looked her deep in the eyes and held both of her hands. 'River...' He sighed quietly and looked down and back up. 'You are, and always have been, my reason to be strong. Without you, I have no one. You are the most important person in my life and you have been for a long time, not just because Rory and Amy are gone.' River gave a small sigh of relief and her cheeky smile was restored. 'I just lost two people who meant everything to me. But just because I am weak now because I lost them, doesn't mean I always will be. So don't ever feel like you have to hide your emotions to be strong for me, you just lost two people who meant everything to you as well.'  
He pressed his forehead against River's as she looked up into his deep grey eyes. 'Thank you.' she whispered. He pulled away and smiled.  
'What for?'  
'Being there for me. Always. Because in all honesty, without you, I wouldn't have a reason to be strong either.'  
The Doctor smiled and kissed River on the forehead. She turned to walk away as their hands slipped gently out of each other clutches. The Doctor was back to messing about with the TARDIS while River was fixing her vortex manipulator. A real smile was back on both faces. River turned to face the Doctor.  
'And one more thing...' She said, cheekily.  
He turned his head towards her.  
'Don't travel alone.' She said, still smiling, but with a serious tone.  
He paused to think, and chuckled. 'Travel with me then.' He said as he held out his hand for her to hold.  
'Whenever... Where ever you want.' She grabbed his hand tightly one final time. 'But not all the time.'  
The Doctor was slightly shocked at her reply, yet understanding of it. 'One psychopath per TARDIS, don't you think?' She laughed, and took a deep breath afterwards. The Doctor fixed his eyes on her. Still holding his hand, she reached for her vortex manipulator slowly. 'Good luck, Doctor.' She said, softly as she pressed the button. And just like that, she dematerialized out of the TARDIS, out of the Doctor's hands, leaving him alone.


End file.
